Mother’s day is coming up and before I get into my story on it I would first like to give mass props to all mothers new and old. I would also like to give the highest regards to Mother’s with special needs kids, this post is dedicated to you.
I initially was going to write this about my own experiences with the change in dynamic between my own mother and I, how we’re just now starting to have the Mother- Daughter relationship I’ve wanted and how I have been blessedly immune to that part of dysphoria while acknowledging the girls who aren’t as lucky. That will be for another day because Mother’s Day isn’t about me since I’m not a Mom. Sure, if you’re an ass hole you can say something along the lines of Mother’s Day not meaning anything because it’s a made up holiday anyway and who needs Moms. If you really want to be an ass hole you can play devil’s advocate and…well…just be a devil’s advocate, that’s actually all I need to say to be completely honest.
No, this is going to be about how we perceive moms and take them for granted. Not just we on an individual level, but also as a society. Moms too many times are just a thing that people see and assume are going to be there. Politicians constantly take away our reproductive rights because who needs reproductive rights when women are only good for one thing, right? These politicians I’m sure also played their fair share of devil’s advocate. Women are just assumed they’re going to be Moms. How many cis women reading this have been met with “oh honey, you’ll change your mind” when telling even an older woman that they don’t want kids? Even worse, how many women who honestly did NOT want to have kids caved and had them when they weren’t ready? Society is fucking cruel and even crueler is it’s expectations that it assumes everyone is going to try to fit in.
Look, pregnancy is fucking scary. I’m not going to post any complications that can arise here but any guys reading this, please, do you and your partner a favor and research these before you try to push the idea of having kids onto your significant other. Like I said, I’m not going to go into detail as I’m not a medical anything but when looking up these things myself the words “prolapse” and “heavy internal bleeding” come up a lot and those are the more tame phrases. I mean, it makes sense, the toll on any body of creating a completely new body inside it is huge and the human body is really not structured all that well. Another question to the gents reading this, if the risks were on you, if you had to carry the child, or you had to worry about your ass LITERALLY falling out, would you still want to have a kid? If so then cool, but you should still discuss everything with your partner and make sure she wants to go through with it. If you are firmly against risking your own ass falling out but still expect your partner to be cool with it then you’re a devil’s advocate.
Despite all this, despite all the Cronenberg body horrors that happen during pregnancy, we end up taking Moms for granted. We hold them to such a high standard growing up that when they mess up we are just terrible fucking people to them, forgetting entirely that they’re just people too. Mothers deal with the weight of everyone they protect, mothers are there in the hospital, mothers are there at the school, mothers are leading our scout troops and soccer games. Mothers deal with our ass hole behavior, our abusive relationships, and yes, even when we’re devil’s advocates. They’re even there when we tell them that their son is actually their daughter, their daughter is actually their son, or their son or daughter is actually neither.
This is of course not saying that everyone who has given birth is in fact a mother. I mean, yes, in the technical and literal sense they are, but there’s some real rotten people that don’t deserve the title. These are the ones that come to the hospital late on purpose because they didn’t approve of the people their sons and daughters loved. These are the ones who abuse and kill their kids, play devil’s advocate and then wonder why they’re met with such hostility. These are the Mothers that make it about themselves and say “Yes honey, I see what you’re going through but do you know how it’s affecting MEEEEE?” If you throw your 17 year old daughter out of your house because “he told you he wasn’t a boy”, then in this girl’s opinion you’ve lost the fucking title. Now, a devil’s advocate may say “but hey, a couple paragraphs back you said we hold Mother’s up to such higher regard, aren’t you being a bit of a hypocrite?” To which I say, take off the stupid fedora, shave that stupid beard, stop trying to pick apart everything here because you feel that fucking hollow that you need to shit on everything anyone says, and call your mom, I’m sure she’s worried about you even though you’re a complete jackass. While you’re at it totally imaginary, neck bearded, MRA, devil’s advocate playing dickhead, if you have a sister call her up and apologize for being such a douche because I’m sure you were.
I know a lot of people have issue with their Mothers, I have had PLENTY, but despite the disappointment you may have in them, just think rationally for a second. Take your “self” out of it and just remember that they’re people too and they had their reasons provided your Mother didn’t try to kill you. Look, all of our experiences are our own. If you’re biggest complaint about your Mom distills down to “I had to get her out of a serious jam she caused herself” then wish her a happy Mother’s Day. If the woman who calls herself your Mother is absolutely fucking evil, then wish it to someone who doesn’t suck or a friend who’s about to become a mother. Better yet, take time out of your busy schedule to really thank moms who really need it, moms who’ve been in and out of a hospital for most of their kid’s life, moms who work with their child because nobody else will and moms who keep the tears at bay until everyone else is in bed. Mother’s day to me anymore isn’t just about a person’s own mother but mothers in general. If your mom is one of the great ones, let her know it, and if you know a mom who’s had a really tough go of it, give them the solid support they need.
Happy Mother’s day, to all the awesome moms.